Question: My Husband Passed Away And I Miss Him, What Should I Do?
There is a common theme among people who have lost their husband – it is the heart wrenching effect of feeling entirely alone, incomplete and unfulfilled.
The sense of feeling like you’ve lost an essential part of your life is painful. The world suddenly comes to a standstill and it starts to feel like a different place.
You become unsure how to cope with life. And sometimes you even wonder if it’s even worth trying.
The feelings associated with the loss of a husband can also be confusing. At times you feel sad that you’ve just lost your best friend, other times you feel angry at the doctors for not saving your husband. Occasionally, you feel guilty for not spending enough time with him.
So what should you do?
My Husband Passed Away And I Miss Him, What Should I Do?
Expressing Your Own Feelings
The first step is to recognize that healing cannot take place unless you express what you’re feeling on the inside as a result of your loss.
I totally understand that that feeling cannot be put into words and cannot be put to rest. This is where joining a grief support group can help. During grief support sessions, you’re given the opportunity to talk about deceased husband, his life as well as his death. You’ll spend countless hours talking about how much you miss them, your loneliness and etc. Alternatively, you should considering seeking the help of a grief therapist.
Many do not know that there are some very real consequences for not expressing such feelings. Studies have shown that mortality rates are higher among widows who do not articulate their grief. Which is why it is common to find widows dying very shortly after the death of their husband – this is the same for widowers as well.
Developing The Ability To Be Sociable
Many women rely on their husbands to make arrangement for social activities. After his death, it may be difficult to live life without him. If you’re in such a position, you’ll need to put in the effort to develop social skills and to find comfort and pleasure in the company of others.
Again, joining a grief support group can provide the bridge necessary to help a person redevelop social skills and be comfortable around others.
Taking Care Of Your Nutritional Needs
Physical health is something most women neglect after the loss of their husband. Leading a healthy life involves regular exercise, good nutrition, avoiding excessive intake of caffeine, alcohol or drugs. Do not live on just coffee and snacks after the death of your husband. Nourish yourself with a balance meal even if you don’t feel like it.
Dealing With Insomnia
Insomnia is one of the major symptoms resulting from bereavement and you can improve the situation by controlling what you consume hours before going to bed. Avoid caffeine and avoid over eating just before bed, this prevents your mind from being over stimulated just before bed.
While everyone grieve differently, I found that by carefully arranging the surrounding of my home, I was able to better cope with my loss. Here is what I did:
- Placing positive and colorful things in the kitchen where I spent most of my time in after my husband’s death
- I placed inspiring posters and items in the bedroom where I feel most alone
- I had one room where I would place all our photos and memories of our life together – I would only visit when I wanted to think about him
By keeping your home tidy and free of old clutter, it will have a positive impact on your emotional well being.
My Husband Passed Away, I Miss Him & Can’t Move On
I understand the feeling of not being able to move on after the death of your husband.
Whenever I meet people for the first time, I tell them that I am still married but in actual fact, my husband has already passed away. I continue to wear my engagement and wedding ring and still have our wedding photos displayed at home and on my work desk. In my mind, I am still that same married woman.
Friends have introduced me to new guys, in hopes that I would start a new relationship and move on with life. While I was never against the idea and did go out on a couple of dates, but I never went out with those guys more than once because it felt as though I was betraying my deceased husband.
If this is how you feel, there are a couple of ways you can cope with this grief.
Make Time To Sit With Your Feelings
Ignoring the pain of missing your husband may seem like a good way to get rid of it, but avoidance usually cause the opposite effect. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, remember?
There isn’t anything wrong with missing your husband or to feel sad about his death. Research has shown that accepting negative emotions may help to relieve the distress they cause. On the other hand, avoiding them could contribute to a worsening mental health – depression.
Instead you may want to set aside some quite time where you can re-examine your feelings:
- Accept whatever emotions that you’re hit with, be it love, regret or even anger. Cry if you have to. Let the tears flow without any judgment.
- Encourage yourself with positive self-talk. Using affirmations can also help reassure yourself.
Widen Your Social Circle & Interact With Others
Missing your husband is a unique experience, and it’s normal to feel as though no one else can fill that empty void in your heart. Yet friends and loved ones can offer compassion, empathy and other forms of emotional support. They can either lend you a listening ear or distract you with activities that will take your mind off your loneliness. Spending time with friends and family can also remind you to cherish other social connections and relationships. Though spending time with others will not ease your yearning entirely, companionship can still help lift your spirits.
Finding A New Hobby
Immersing yourself with a new hobby or other enjoyable activities can provide a positive distraction and help you cope with the pain of missing someone until it starts to fade. Grief has no expiration date, so take your time and don’t rush it.
If you’re looking for new hobby ideas, here are some you could try:
- Arts and crafts like picture collaging, painting, photography or even scrapbooking
- Creative writing or writing letters to your husband in heaven
- Hiking or other outdoor activies
- Meditation and yoga – both helps to ease stress
- Journaling, drawing or pick up msuic